Living in the suburbs as a single woman, I absolutely cannot win, so I’ve stopped caring what people think. I’ve been single now for about 6 years and in the beginning, I used to care a lot about the rumors and try to manage what was said about me for the sake of my boys. My oldest was just in junior high at that time and my youngest was in early elementary school. I’m an excellent mom and my kids know the truth, so they totally have my back on this.
When my marriage started to unravel, the rumors were flying around like wildfire. We were miserable for many years and there was no salvaging it. I started caring about my appearance a lot and I lost a lot of weight. I went from being the mom in sweats rockin the carpool to the mom in heels, dressed cute. I grew out my hair, lightened it and started feeling like more of a woman.
That only fueled the rumors all over our upper income tightly woven community. People made assumptions that weren’t true about my son’s (married) basketball coach and me. I wasn’t having a relationship with him but my (former) best friend was. I was the only one who knew, but I kept it under wraps to not expose them.
I recently ran into a friend who offered her condolences to me about the breakup of a serious relationship I had with a live in boyfriend. I said, “Back that truck up…? Who lived with me?” After she described what she heard, I pieced together the man she was referring to. This was probably the most serious relationship I’ve had during these 6 years. He literally spent the night ONCE, underline ONCE at my house. It was New Year’s Eve, we went to a party and he spent the night, scandalous, I know.
Not more than two weeks after that I ran into one of the women who 6 years ago was the source of most of the rumors about me and the basketball coach. I saw her at our neighborhood grocery store the week before Christmas. She went on to congratulate me on being back together with my ex-husband. Imagine my shock upon hearing this news, since he lives on the other side of town with his girlfriend and her two children. There honestly wasn’t one shred of truth to it and I just laughed at her for saying it.
Last summer, I had a man over for dinner whom I was very interested in. He was a great man, attractive, smart and sweet. We had only been out a couple of times when I invited him over to grill out and watch a movie together at my house.
We started by having cold beers on the patio while he fired up the grill. We relaxed, chatted and were laughing, maybe holding hands, maybe. It was a beautiful summer evening, lots of families were outside, in backyards that adjoin mine.
As he went to flip the steaks on the grill, he turned around to look at me awkwardly and said, “We are being watched.” He pointed to the next door neighbor’s house and the nosy neighbor lady who was peering at us through the bushes. Even after we made eye contact with her, she didn’t stop watching us. We then started to playfully tease like he was spanking me and we were being naughty in broad daylight.
On the flip side of that, if I’m at home on a Saturday night talking to my neighbors in the cul du sac, they kind of shake their head out of pity and I know they are thinking, “Wow she can’t get a date. What a shame, she’s pretty too. Maybe we should get her some kittens or something.” It’s funny now to me how people jump to conclusions but know nothing of the situation.
I ran into a married friend recently on a Saturday night. I was wearing jeans, a sweater set, boots. I looked cute, but didn’t have nipples popping out or didn’t look like I just climbed off a stripper pole or anything. She said, “You look nice, are you going out clubbing tonight?” Just then my son whom I was out with walked up and all I could do was give her a weird look.
I was literally watching basketball with my son and just because I had makeup on and looked put together, she assumed I was going out trollin. Hey if I was going out clubbin, I’d have at least both cracks showing, (cleavage and a hint of ass crack) and at least one nipple. Come on, I wouldn’t waste my time trollin in sweater set, sheesh, give me some credit!
Smooches,
The Single Mom
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