YOU are the Best Birthday Presents & Exciting News!

Dearest readers,

I just wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being a part of my life.  Cheesy, I know but each one of you is really important to me.   Writing this blog is my passion, so whether you read it every day or every now and then it means the world to me.   I've met so many incredible people who have shared so much of themselves with me, that I cannot imagine a better gift, so thank you from the bottom of my heart. 


Big News !!!!

I was nominated for a Bloggers Choice Award for Hottest Mommy Blogger!!!  (YA think?? lol)   I'd appreciate your vote so much!  http://bloggerschoiceawards.com/blogs/show/119565   Thank you!!!  It would make my day even more wonderful!   What an incredible birthday present!!! 


Birthday Plans

I have a date tonight with a new guy, seems really sweet (famous last words ;).   Freakshow has been distant, so I'm giving that whole situation some breathing room.   My boys and I will celebrate with an early dinner tomorrow evening.   Tomorrow night, it's girls night with my best girlfriend we are going dancing downtown,  I'll be pulling out the red high heels, oh ya!   Next Friday is a little birthday party in my honor at the local watering hole, so the festivities go on for the next week, woo hoo! 


Thanks for letting me getting to know YOU and for sharing so much of yourselves with me as I keep looking for love.


Lots of Smooches!!!

The Single Mom



Photo by seppics

What's Been Happening?

I wanted to give you a few updates about what's going on with your favorite crazy Single Mom. 


No-nickname Aggressive Mexican Dinner Date Man (catchy, huh?)

First, I promised to let you know what happened with the Mr. Hands from the Mexican dinner date last week.   This is honestly one of those situations that makes me pound my head against the nearest wall and seriously consider switching teams.  

Let me explain... if you read my post you know that he got a little too aggressive for me and I tried to get him to back his truck up a little.  I did this by being trying to be nice, using some humor, distracting him with shiny objects, nothing worked.

We texted and I explained that I thought he got a little carried away.  I asked him how he felt about it after having time to think it through.    Basically, he got defensive and thought I was lecturing him.  I tried to approach it gently and see his side, but he thought that I was being condescending.   I just couldn't win.  Something was just gnawing at my instinct that there was a reason why he was being so defensive, like he was trying to hide something.   

The conversation just spiraled out of control when I told him I didn't feel safe with him.  When I said this, he got mad and told me to never contact him again.  So, I chalk this up to there being something more to this but it's better to walk away from him completely.


Freakshow

After our "Coltrane, Candles and Cleavage" date things have been hot and cold.  It's so hard to understand men sometimes, (facepalm).   I feel like I've really gone out of my way to reach out to him while at the same time giving him lots of space.   Maybe it's me again and not being able to let him back into my heart or maybe it's just not the right fit for whatever reason.  Maybe the past is better left in the past, maybe I've learned my lesson...?   I'm not sure yet that things are over, just trying to back up, a lot.  

This is a really awkward phase for me in a relationship, I don't want to say "hey where are things", but I kinda want to know where things are.   Is it just me?   I'm not into dating multiple men, I don't want that, but I'm not going to waste time on someone who isn't going to make a move either.


The Single Mom's Dating Diary Stuff

This has been a huge month for the blog in growth, so I thank you so much for reading and telling your friends.  It truly means so much to connect with so many people, truly all over the world!    I feel like I've made so many new friends and I'm grateful for how much of yourselves you've shared with me.

If you haven't "Liked" The Single Mom's Dating Diary's Facebook page, please take just a second to do that with this link:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Single-Moms-Dating-Diary/138563976203412   I'll wait.  Ok, thanks, you're back :).

Facebook is a great way to keep updated about new posts and some of the silly things I do behind the scenes.   Also, interact with me on Twitter @singlemomdate.  Twitter is the bad kids' playground, but it's soooooo much fun.   Between Facebook and Twitter, I have about 600 people I interact with on a daily basis, so please join the fun.  Sometimes I take dares or let little tidbits slip out about what's coming up, so it's a good way to know what I'm up to.

I do have a sexy photo shoot planned to give you just a little sneak peek of me.  So, I might show you a little more of me... maybe... I'm kind of a tease like that huh?

Mother's Day is coming up, and I'll be doing lots of special things on the blog.  Please nominate Single Mom's for our contest to give them a special pat on the back.   Hey, it's a great tribute to all the hardworking single moms out there, so please nominate them today! 

Smooches,

The Single Mom

Looking for the Best Single Mom!!!

Win some much deserved recognition (and maybe a $25 Amazon Gift Card)  for your Mom!

Single Parenting is an extremely difficult job!  The Single Mom's Dating Diary would like to celebrate those single moms and dads who do an exceptional job juggling the demands.   It can be draining and stressful, so nominate your mom today!

Here is how the contest works:  Nominate a fabulous single mom...

1. "Like" the Facebook page for The Single Mom's Dating Diary (link is below)
2.  Click on "Discussions" (on the left side of the page), "Awesome Single Parents"  and tell why the single mom you know (or you) should be named as the best! 
3.   Vote (and have friends vote) for your mom!  (only one vote per person/day)
4.   The Best Single Mom will be named on Saturday, May 7th, 2011, both on The Facebook Page and on the blog, The Single Mom's Dating Diary.


http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Single-Moms-Dating-Diary/138563976203412

We'll do the same thing for Father's Day, choosing the Best Single Dad.  Then both winners will compete for the $25 Amazon Gift Card! 

Enter today!

Coltrane, Candles, and Cleavage

“I had a bad day baby, I want to see you.”  His text said.     

I couldn’t see him that night because I had a meeting that ran late into the night and I had to cancel our date.   I texted him back and he was really understanding.    To finish the texting conversation, "Freakshow" said “I should never have let you go the first time.  You are such a good woman and so good to me.”

It truly made me feel happy inside, my heart leapt a little and some of the old feelings I’d buried started to stir back up to the surface again.  It was encouraging that he was turning to me when he had a bad day.   Maybe he was really listening to me about opening up to me and sharing more of himself.   We were together last summer for a few months and it just didn’t work.  We talked a couple other times and for one reason or another things didn’t fall into place.   

After not being able to see each other the night before, we set up time to see each other the next day.   I was a mixture of excited and actually a little nervous to see him.    Our texts had gone from PG-13 to R rated and I didn’t know what I wanted to happen, honestly.

I did take a lot of time getting ready for the date, heels and jeans, nice blouse.   I shaved my legs, just in case ;) and applied makeup carefully.    He texted me impatiently, “when are you coming?”   I liked knowing he was eager to see me, I really did.    

He’s been more open to me, trying to do what I’ve asked of him.   He admitted that he cares about me but doesn’t know how to show it, that the time apart has only shown him just how much he cares.  He truly made an ass of himself and was persistent trying to get me to even talk to him.  I guess all things considered, he has jumped through every hoop I’ve asked him to.   All these thoughts were processing in my head on the drive there.  Was I trying to talk myself into sleeping with him?  I wasn’t sure.  Besides, why should I have to talk myself into it, I’m single, I have feelings for him, we connect…  why did I have to sell myself on it?

He impatiently called me on the way there, “How close are you?”  I was honestly about halfway of the 15 minute drive there but told him I just left so that I could tease him a little.   I let him off the hook quickly and told him that I was almost there. 

This was only my second time going to his place, an upscale condo neighborhood filled with retirees.   I feel like I have a condo cam on me when I drive into the neighborhood and they are watching the young people in unit C like they would watch the mating habits of the wildebeests on the Discovery Channel or something.   I wanted to get there and inside as inconspicuous as possible. 

When I got there, he was holding the door open for me, excited to see me.  Since I knew he was watching me, I wanted to make a sexy entrance and work the whole sexy mojo thing.   Somehow, right after closing my car door, it triggered my alarm.   So, sneaking in quietly was now not possible. 

(Nerd alert...)

I disarmed the alarm, took a step, caught one of the heels in the seam of the driveway and I walked right out of it.  The loss of balance then made me drop my cell phone.  The back of the phone came off, the battery ejected and my sexy entrance was now like a clumsy clown act.   Real smooth, self.  Real damned smooth.

I laughed at myself and he was shaking his head and laughing at me too.    He waved me to walk faster and said “Get in here, woman.”

He looked deeply into my eyes, greeted me with a very romantic kiss and held me tightly.   His kiss was very sensual and romantic but he wasn’t all over me like a ravenous tiger on a piece of meat.    He said, “Wow you smell amazing!”  He kissed my neck  just so he could smell my vanilla skin up close.

He took me by the hand and led me to the living room, lit with candles.   He knew jazz is my favorite and he had some playing softly in the background.   We sat down on the couch, talking, snuggling and kissing.   It was romantic and sexy at the same time.  He sat down and I rested my head on his lap while he ran his fingers through my hair as we talked.

We chatted about our week, our kids and his bad day the day before.   It was great talking with him and being so comfortable together.   It felt like we were in an established relationship talking about our respective days.     We laughed, talked and kissed a lot.   

Since he is so tall, it was beginning to be uncomfortable to kiss him.   I finally stood up, took him by the hand and led him downstairs to his bedroom.   No words interrupted the silence as we stared deeply into each other’s eyes.  He held my shoulders as he drew me closer to him to kiss him.  This time the kiss was more passionate, our bodies tightly woven together.  

My arms instinctively extended as he yanked my shirt tail up over my head.  The sudden shock of a red lacy bra was obviously a welcome sight as he breathed a shallow gasp when he saw it.     I watched him kiss my bare shoulders gently as I moved my bra strap down my arm.    His kisses slowly found their way to my breast as he unhooked my bra from the back.

I pulled his shirt over his head and almost in the same movement, laid down on the bed behind me and pulled him on top of me.    Having him on top of me kissing me hard, hands on my breasts, brought back  so many memories of last summer.  Our wet, salty skin, hungry mouths on each other and passionate moments all raced back into my head within just a few seconds.   

We rekindled all that passion again and then some, plus this time he is opening up to me more.  He’s really trying and I can see that.  He fell asleep, holding me and it was comforting hearing his familiar snore again.    I closed my eyes too and enjoyed feeling his arms around me and his breath on my neck. 

After he woke up, we talked some more about us and making our relationship work.   He teased me about how impatient I am and we both laughed about it.    We talked about the next time to see each other and how we both have conflicts for the next few days.    We hugged and kissed as we said goodbye.

Although he is trying harder, something is missing and I can’t put my finger on it.    Honestly, I think it’s me.     Maybe he just let too much time pass or maybe there are just too many scars, I don’t know.   All I know is that I can flip a switch to my feelings, one day they are on full force, the next off.    Fortunately, I have the luxury of time and can see what develops.    What do you think?  Do you have any advice?

Smooches,

The Single Mom

Next time: An update about the man from the Mexican dinner date, aka Mr. Hands 2011

A Date with Mr. Hands

Hi, here is today's post about dating a man I keep meeting over and over again, "Mr. Hands".    ~Thanks badonlinedates.com!

http://bit.ly/egNJrE

Would the Tequila Make My Clothes Fall Off?

Are you nervous?  His text said.

Nah, not at all.  You shouldn’t be either, I’m a dork.   I replied

Oh, ya sure.   A smart, funny, blonde knockout dork, they are a dime a dozen. 

I’m hardly a knockout, don’t be nervous, sheesh. 

We’ve had fun getting to know each other over the past several days talking, texting and IM’ing.     The conversations have ranged from our kids, relationships and movies.     It seemed almost intentional that we steered clear of sex.  There were no 10 foot poles employed, sex was avoided like the proverbial plague.    It was kind of a good sign, to me anyway. 

Romance and sincerity seemed like second nature to him.  He texted me a lot, probably a lot more than I’d prefer actually.  (I know if any of my exes read this, the irony will kill them… lol)    He was funny and he seemed to get my goofy sense of humor.     His children are grown, he has a stable job, lives about 45 minutes from me,  basically seems like a good guy.   (Famous last words, did I just say this? I’m so screwed, lol.)

During this getting-to-know-you phase, I’ve been busy.   One night, I had a meeting until almost 10, didn’t take my phone and came home to 4 panic messages from him.   Between bites of a quick dinner, I attempted to console him that I left my phone on my charger at home.    Sheesh, now I know what every ex of mine has felt like, haha.

The point is that he was into me and also seemed sincere about getting to know me.  In fact some of the things he said jokingly revealed that he was potentially seeing me in his future. 

The place I’m at is ready to find someone.  I’ve seen Freakshow (an ex) a couple of times, but I’m not totally convinced of his sincerity.  I’ve told everyone involved where I am and what I’m looking for.  Full disclosure.

We chose a Mexican restaurant practically in the exact center between where we both live.  The area is somewhat of a depressed area, there are some good areas and some parts of it that you wouldn’t want to find yourself in.   Basically, there are some decent restaurants but not much else going on.   

I dressed in jeans, heels and an off the shoulder sweater.  I curled my hair and put on my makeup carefully.    I didn’t want to look like a hooker, but I wanted him to like what he saw. 

I made it to the restaurant first, was seated, texted him and waited patiently for him.    He arrived a few minutes later looking handsome.  He had on nice pants, and a long sleeved striped dress shirt.   When he hugged me, he smelled amazing and he seemed happy to meet me.

We both ordered Margaritas and they went down fast.   We had a great time talking and it was an extension of what it was like getting to know each other up until tonight.   Since I have no tolerance for alcohol, I was feeling really relaxed and having a great time talking to him.  We were laughing, talking all the way through dinner.    There was some minor flirting it was playful yet innocent. 

During dinner, he casually mentioned something about a text he sent me before he got there that I didn’t reply to.   When I picked up my phone, I noticed a new text from Freakshow asking me to come over.   Perfect.

I ignored the text and went back to our conversation.    Everything went great, when the bill arrived, I paid for myself and he didn’t object.   We collected our things and tried to think of something else to do.   My car was parked closer so I elected to drive.   He followed me to my side and put his hands all over my ass as I was unlocking the door.  It seemed pretty harmless, so I was ok with it.  He then kissed me for the first time,  a little forcefully, not necessarily a good start.

We got in the car and he kissed me again, harder this time and he let his hands roam to my breasts.    I was trying to be casual and call him out on it playfully.    We drove around the area and couldn’t really find anything else to do.  I drove to a nearby Target and parked.   We began talking and listening to the cd that was in my player and the kissing started again. 

He kissed me hard again, explored my breasts more and took one into his mouth.   It was a little brazen, considering where we were, it being a first date and I really hadn’t quite worked myself up to it yet.    I wanted to be in the moment, but he was honestly going a little fast.    My spidey sense was telling me to keep my guard up.    I again, playfully asked him to slow down a little.     He did pause for a little but then started kissing me hard again and this time started moving his hands over the front of my jeans.   (yes to my nether regions…)

I stopped him from getting carried away and drove him back to his car.    We kissed more and he tried more.      I abruptly said goodnight to him and drove home.  Halfway home, I checked my texts.   He sent me one a few minutes before and I was expecting an apology but he sent an affectionate text.   We texted more that night, I explained my perspective but he just didn’t seem to see it the same way.

I was hoping for a reasonable explanation like he just got released from prison or something to explain why he got all up in my grill like that so fast.   The reason just didn’t really come and I’m left today kinda scratching my head.

So, should I see him again?  Am I overreacting?   Will he be around long enough to get a nickname?  Stay tuned to your favorite suburban trainwreck blog. 

Smooches,

The Single Mom

Come Inside My Boudoir

Hi, come into my bedroom... I'm sharing with you a little piece of my world.   Photography isn't one of my skills but I want to get better.  Until then, here is a real photo from my bedroom.  

The process of remodeling is going slowly, very slowly, sigh.  The blog business takes up most of my time, but I do love it so much.  If you look carefully, you can get a little peek of my bed in the mirror.  This is where I write most of my posts.   This is my "office" so to speak, wink wink.

I have a thing for white Christmas lights as you can see.  I put them on just about everything that doesn't move, or doesn't move fast enough.

I'm trying to get more of my own photos here to make the blog more fun for you to read.  Last week, I was fooling around with my camera and some props.  I set up a few shots using my famous red heels, red panties and red bra.  They were casually draped on my dresser on a box, no matter what I did I couldn't get it to look right.   I had to walk away from it because I was getting irritated. (Do you do this too?)

Anyway, later that evening, my teenage son and his friend stormed into my "office" because they wanted to go out.   They plopped down in my room and we had a long impromptu chat.  It wasn't until after they left that I realized that the red heels, panties and bra were there the whole time.    Ya, so much for my credibility.   FML

Thanks for coming and come back any time;)

Smooches,

The Single Mom

Passionate Kisses and Steamy Memories

Turn left at the first stop light, right at the corner with the 7-Eleven, are you there yet?  Yes.  Ok so let me know when you pass the big church on the right.  Ok, I just did.  Turn right into the condo development before the stop light.  Turn right at the first street and go down halfway, you’ll see my white car on the left… you do remember my white car, don’t you?  Oh, ok good. 

“I can’t wait to see you”, he said.  

“I’m looking forward to it too”, I said nervously after a long unplanned pause.

I turned into the driveway next to his white car where he was waiting for me.  I returned his smile and wave, rolled up the windows and took a huge breath.  My left foot was the first to touch the ground, stepping out of the car.  I wore my red high heels, I heard him say “wow” out loud when he saw the first one hit the pavement.

I styled my hair totally differently than I usually do, it was curled and I was dressed up to go to an art exhibit.  He said “Wow you are gorgeous!  I had forgotten how incredibly gorgeous you are.”    We hugged each other and kissed.  

The kiss was nice but I stopped it before it got out of control and he didn’t push it.   We’ve talked about boundaries and ground rules and he’s playing by mine this time.  Going to his house was one of the first changes he’s making.  We always were at mine, mostly because of convenience, because it’s close to his work, but it bothered me.   Also, our relationship was always about sex, so he’s more engaging, asking questions, he’s been trying to get to know me on a different level.

After I sent him a few well deserved abrupt emails and after I received profuse apologies, I started hearing him out.    He knew what he had done was wrong and he was making a real effort to change.   We began texting and then talking and finally today after I cancelled on him twice, I agreed to  meet him.  He was humble, apologetic and complimentary.  He said over and over what a good woman I am and how he wanted to be the man I needed him to be. 

He took me inside and showed me around his impressive condo.  Wow, it made my house look like a crackerjack box, it was obviously professionally decorated and the details were making me salivate, as that’s one of my things.  He then took me outside to the deck overlooking the small lake.  He had my favorite drink waiting for me, and he was very sweet about pulling out my chair.   It was the perfect setting for our conversation.   He asked if he could hold my hand as I began talking and I agreed.  

He looked in my eyes and seemed really sorry, time will only tell of course.   I’m different now, my life is different and what I won’t accept has changed.  I work all the time now and I don’t have time for bullshit, moreover I won’t tolerate it.    It was good having this time with Freakshow, but I’m not going to make the same mistakes again.   Honestly, he’s begged me a few times to see me, and I’ve put him off because I was working, I’m driven and I’m very selective about who gets my time. 

We continued talking and sharing our feelings.   I know I could feel close to him again if he is truly different.    The day was perfect, he was different today.    We got up from the table and I leaned against the railing to take in the beautiful day and the view of the ducks splashing around on the water.  He put his arms around me and held me as we just stood there in silence.   He moved my hair to the side, drew a line on my skin with his index finger and then kissed the imaginary line he just drew with his finger.    He knew exactly how to get to me and suddenly memories of the hot days and nights of last summer flashed into my mind. 

I tried to not act affected by his gentle kisses and nibbles on my neck but I don’t think I was pulling it off.   In fact, I KNOW I wasn’t pulling it off.   He wasn’t either, he held me tightly and I could feel his desire for me.

We look like we fit together.   He’s blonde, has blue eyes and is tall.  I’m those things, except the tall part.  I feel safe, protected and like a woman in his arms.    He’s strong, handsome and funny.   Today was a perfect day, we kissed long and passionately as I said goodbye.   It left us both wanting more and it was great being heard and in turn hearing his feelings for me.    I’m not sure if there is still a place in my heart for him and if he just maybe let too much time pass.   I don't know but only time will tell, huh?

Smooches,

The Single Mom

Would you like to have a little peek into my boudoir?  Tomorrow, I’ll show a little glimpse inside my den of inequity (lol).

The Single Mom Says:  It feels braggy repeating that he calls me gorgeous, so just know I'm not trying to be a snot, just telling you what he said, ok? 

Please leave a message...

Hi, no new post today, I'm hiding the body.  Please leave a message below.  Thanks!  Beeeep...

See you on Monday, have a good weekend!

Smooches,

The Single Mom

Wow What a Ride!!!

Whew what a week this has been!  It started off with the "Puttergate" breakup, (lol) and obviously that was really upsetting.    I debated long and hard about how to approach it from a writing standpoint.  I wanted to write very honest and I didn't want to be bitchy or throw him under a bus. 

My biggest concern besides his feelings was yours.   I didn't want to turn readers away and honestly, the most surprising thing happened, the blog had the most traffic by far on that day, almost double.  Readership has since picked up and I couldn't be more overjoyed!

Heartbreak and betrayal, unfortunately are universal.  It resonates within each of us in our core and we've all been there, sadly at some point or another.   So many of you reached out to me with your personal stories and that means so much to me.   I surely don't have all the answers, I'm just trying to figure it out as I go, one date at a time.   I'm learning more and doing better each time. 

I began this blog honestly as a reaction to the first time Putter broke my heart.   So, in a way I owe him and every other douchebag I've dated a huge debt of gratitude.   (I'm not calling him a douchebag, per se.)  But, I've always been a proponent of making a positive come from a negative situation.   I make a huge pitcher of lemonade, and just might throw a little vodka in it too.

Those who leave our lives for whatever reason, (although it doesn't feel like it at the time) do us a huge favor.   If someone doesn't want to be in our lives, they doesn't deserve a place in it either.  We are better off without them and can find a replacement for them.  That replacement doesn't necessarily have to be another person, it can be a new skill or some other pursuit. 

Once I had a breakup that hurt so badly that I took belly dancing lessons to redirect my attention.   It is such a mentally difficult dance to learn that it forced me to put my focus on it, I had to learn to control a certain set of muscles to move in a specific way.  I couldn't think about him during class and practice and at the end of the 8 weeks of classes, I learned a sexy new dance and was way over him.

Each person in our lives, for good or not is a teacher.   Some teach us while they are in our lives, others teach us when they leave.  Either way, the lesson is important to our growth. 

I've had an incredible teacher along the path of The Single Mom's Dating Diary who has become someone I consider a friend.   I've met so many friends along the way, I cannot tell you how much I look forward to "talking" with you either on Facebook, Twitter or through your comments/emails.  You all enrich my life so much, so thank you!

Happy Birthday, Susan!!

I would like to give a special Happy Birthday wishes to one of the best friends of The Single Mom's Dating Diary, and therefore mine, Susan of Newbury Park, California.   She found me somehow, on Facebook.  I don't even know how really, but she did.  She loved the blog so much that she told her friends about it on Facebook I've gotten to know some of them, too.   

She and some of her friends have picked me up on days when I almost gave up on this.  She has a big "29th" Birthday this weekend and I'm sending her my best wishes for a memorable day along with my gratitude.   She continues to inspire me and she is a beautiful woman inside and out. 

I'm so grateful that she told her friends about the blog and I'm so appreciative to all of you who have done the same, thank you so much!



As for me, this weekend, I have two dates with two different gentlemen, so I'll let you know about that next week.  I'm also finalizing the details of the Single Mom's and Single Dad's contest.  I'll be meeting over the weekend about the details.   ...just to give you enough information to get your wheels rolling, it will be a contest where someone nominates a great Single Mom or Dad by an email entry of 50 words or more.  I'll pick the best entry and the winner will both get a prize and a write up on the blog and the blog's Facebook page.   So, more details to come very soon about all the details.

Plus over the weekend, I'll be writing more of The Single Mom's Dating Diary, the novel.  I'm in production of a few products that you will love and I'm hoping the weather will cooperate enough for a bonfire and s'mores, with my sons.    I wish you a wonderful weekend and I cannot thank you enough for being a part of my happy ending!

Big Smooches,

The Single Mom

Sorting through the Lies and Truth

Today I've honestly been a little quieter than normal thinking about the ending that Putter and I had.   We fought over text the day that I posted the final entry about him.  I made an offer to change anything that he felt didn't paint him in a positive light.  He declined and ultimately I feel like I was more than fair.  What I wrote was accurate and offering to change the post,  I think went above and beyond.

Ultimately, he felt like he didn't lie because we talked about ground rules in the beginning.  I began to want more and when that was no longer working for me I told him so.   After a few weeks,  he changed his actions to meet what I wanted.   So, this whole "we talked about it" defense that he used is a crutch.   I'd truly have a hard time believing he would in his heart of hearts stand behind that after he had a few weeks to think it through.   He's a good person at heart and I'm sure when he has time, he'll see it more objectively.


The past couple of days I've been mulling around what I need and that I want someone who wants to protect my heart and my feelings, not someone looking for a crappy loophole.  I can't respect someone who would do this to me and it's a good lesson. 

It sounds so cliche, but it really feels true right now to not settle.  Someone like this who looks for shades of grey instead of caring enough about me to man up isn't someone I'd want to give my heart to.  I'm sure someday Putter and I will be friendly but he's tarnished my impression of him.

I thought a lot about my life and in general my home is a happy home.  My boys and I laugh, talk and we are close.   Any man who I'd invite into our environment would need to have strong character and integrity.    I'm already happy with my boys and writing my blog and book.  I have a lot to be excited about and I don't want to write anyone into my life who could depreciate all the good things.  I want someone I can trust in my life, not someone I'd always have to be wondering about.

I know way too many people who are in marriages or other relationships who are perpetually miserable.   I'd really rather be single and focus on the things that are important to me.  It's a great time of the year, I have a lot of friends to go out dancing with, there are a lot of outside concerts in our area, I'm going to have a fun summer no matter who is in my life. 


Here are two things I've learned about dating today that I'll share with you.  

The first is when you are online dating, it feels like there are a zillion choices and it's so tempting at the first yellow flag to think that there is another hotter and better person just waiting for your email   Well guess what, the other person you're seeing is thinking the exact same thing.  At the first crack in your relationship, they are back online emailing their first choice and you are yesterday's news.   It's so much easier to keep in touch, especially with texting, Facebook and emailing with lower risk of rejection.   I know because I've done this so many times myself.

The second thing sounds really simple but it isn't really.   So many men, complain about drama.  I'll be the first one to say that I've gotten pissed and texted till my thumbs turned blue, and I'm not proud about it.   However the thing that strikes me is that if you cause a bad situation by being untruthful you can't just expect it to end well.   It's a part of the deal: if you lie and cheat, you're gonna piss someone of and there will be drama, and you probably deserve it, at least some of it. 

Thanks for reading and as always I appreciate your comments.

Smooches,

The Single Mom

The Ex Files er... or the Sex Files

This is a post answering a question from a friend on Twitter, @cheekie (Cheekie Weekie or Sweetcheeks)  I love giving people nicknames, I guess.   Anyway, she asked last night after reading yesterday’s post, “Sex, Lies and more Lies about Sex”, why exboyfriends often come back to me.  I laughed out loud when I read it, but then made me think… rubs chin…rest fist under chin…

The answer to THAT question is the same to “Why the Hell do they leave in the first place?”  The answer to both is SEX.   Lucy’s gonna ‘slpain… ok…    Without sounding like a total Molly McBraggypants, I’m really sexual.  My friends say I put off a “sex kitten vibe” or something.  I can’t explain it and I really don’t like it all the time.  

I know what you’re thinking I really do… how is that a bad thing?  Do you really expect us to feel sorry for you?  More importantly how can I get with you?  See I was right, I CAN read your thoughts.   (Scary, huh?) 

I’m gonna cook up some yummy humble pie right now and tell you that I’m not a Barbie doll, maybe more like a Troll doll (although I have better hair).    I’m not perfect by any stretch, I just have made peace with what my momma gave me, for good or not.   I’m too old to worry about bullshit, really.  You like me or you don’t like me, it’s all good.   I want you to like my writing, I want you to laugh, see inside my heart and maybe get a little hotness goin, but I am who I am.   With that being said, I’ve always had a mess of really great friends, people like me, I love to make people laugh and I’m a great friend.  So, there nanananabooboo.    Plus, I got smarts and I’m very mature.

Relationships?  I suck at them.  I don’t get them, obviously.   Lucky for you I suck at them or else there would be no Single Mom’s Dating Diary Bloggie Poo.   Hopefully, it helps you feel like you suck at life a whole lot less,  

I’m NOT a clingy girlfriend, I’m not demanding, I don’t think I don’t ask a lot, I really don’t.   I’m very independent and I have a life.    I have a good life, my kids are good, I honestly don’t understand why this is so fucking hard.   Someone please explain this to me, please.

So, to answer the question about why do they come back, I’ll give you insight from two exes.    Again, this isn’t Molly Mcbraggypants talking, this is from my exbf’s so here ya go.    So, a few weeks ago when Southerngent was being distant, I was talking to Kincaid (another ex) about it.  He asked if I’d ever um… trying to be delicate here… thinking… done a “certain thing” to him.  (catch my drift???  Wink wink)   I said “No, not yet”.   Kincaid then said, well if you would have done that, he wouldn’t be hesitating.    Translation, I have mad skilzzz. 

But this is where the rub is (get your mind out of the gutter, man… sheesh).    The sexual thing can take over a relationship and that happens to me too much. 

I talked to Freakshow (another ex) last night.    Before you hurt me, know that I wanted to get some insight about all this and hear him out.   He said that I have a tractor beam or some secret powers or something and he asked if this happens a lot.  It cracked me up, it really did.  He went on to say that although the sex was the best of his life, that he was able to see now that I was trying to show him how much I cared about him by being so sexual with him. (Duh! Palm on forehead)  Now that the anger and all the bad feelings are behind us, he was able to see how much I cared about him.    I wanted to please him, I wanted to make him happy because I CARED about him.  He finally got that after all this time.     It’s really ironic that he’s getting that exactly now, when I just went through this with Putter, but hey it’s good to hear.

As an aside, he just went on to say that he would do ANYTHING to be back with me, be the man I wanted, be there for me, he knew my birthday is coming up and he wants to do something really special for me.    (I’m not convinced, I haven’t lost my mind or anything, ok?  It’s gonna take a whole lot more than words and I told him I doubt I can feel anything for him again.)

But we talked, and that was the point, the first time around we only texted.  He calls and leaves a message in the morning to tell me that I’m beautiful or he calls when he goes out to lunch just to say hi.    I know I’m not ready and I have major doubts  that he’s the right person to trust, but it is good to finally hear his explanation and it’s helping  me understand my current situation with Putter.

So, I’ve said love is a big shit sandwich with a side dish of vomit so why do I keep looking for it so hard?  I don’t know.  I really don’t.  Do you?   

Smooches,

The Single Mom

Sex, Lies and more Lies about Sex

What you need to know for today’s post:  1. I’m a hopeless romantic/dumbass   2.  Most exboyfriends come back to me eventually   3. I usually get my heart broken because I’m a hopeless romantic/dumbass and go back out with them

Today’s post is about two men that oddly enough keep popping in and out of my life at the same time, Putter and Freakshow.   I’m going to start with the present, get you caught up and then tie it all up, I promise.  It’s so beyond crazy how intertwined this all is.

It’s really important for me to say right here before I go on that I don’t use my blog for cryptic messages, to make someone jealous, mad or say things that I don’t air out with the people involved.  That’s not fair to you and it’s also not fair to them.  That abuses the purpose of this blog.   

So, to rewind back a couple months ago when Putter and I began talking and seeing each other again it was with a lot of caution.  The last time we broke up it was unpleasant.  We both got really upset and it became a really angry break up.  We both apologized and put that behind us.  Moving forward, I asked for only one thing, honestly.    Honesty.   When it was just about sex, we both knew it and I didn’t expect anything else.    Now it was different, he was trying harder and that’s why it’s so upsetting.

After having closure with Putter, I started moving on, talking to Southerngent, seeing him and getting close to him.  We were getting very close and then his hot and cold thing happened.  He started getting cold feet, pushing me away.   I told him and he kept doing it.  His actions and words didn’t match, I saw yellow flags and backed my truck up.    We still talk every day, but again, not much traction.

In the meantime, contact with Putter picked up.   He read my blog, knew I was getting close to falling for someone else.   He also knew that his only chance to be with me now was to step up his game, it couldn’t be about sex anymore and he knew that.   In the few weeks that preceded this moment, we flirted but when it came to a point where it could go over the line into a booty call, I pulled back.  It wasn’t what I wanted and he knew it.    We were friendly and had gotten over the past but I was moving on.

A week and a half ago, he asked me on a date, put on the full court press, lit candles, was extremely sweet.    He was different, loving, and caring.  He opened up about his daughters and showed me pictures of them.  He’d never done that before.  It was sweet, really sweet.    Everything was different, he was open, gushed about how beautiful I was and it felt like a huge turning point.  Now it only feels like manipulation.   I’ll explain more in a minute, hang on.

So, after that I was hanging back and after last week’s conversations, we let things rest for several days.   Yesterday, I started thinking of him again, sent him a few texts.   After some dead air I asked him if he would please say something, anything.   Finally after this appeal, he said that although we had the most amazing sexual connection of his life but that he couldn’t do this anymore. 

So, what exactly could he not do?  Hmmm….    Just what exactly was the “this”?   I had to think about it for a second.    Did he get his thumbs burnt in a tragic waffle iron accident or what?   Something just didn’t add up… hang on to this thought because we are coming back to it.

What I asked him next was the key to everything.    “Are you seeing someone else?”    He replied,  “Yes I am.”   As soon as I saw the words on my phone, it felt like my entire body started burning from the inside out, my skin felt hot and my eyes instantly filled with tears.   I couldn’t see the words and I didn’t want to really. 

Before this moment, we hadn’t really had a final goodbye.   We texted and left things dangling in the air.   The moment of getting this text was reality smacking me in the face.   It reminded me of how it felt when my mom died, I faced it on some level when I heard it, the next two days were so busy getting the kids and me ready for the funeral, preparing words to say, etc. that it really didn’t sink in until I saw her body there lying in a casket.    I couldn’t deny reality anymore.   This text was like that, I couldn’t deny now that Putter was seeing someone else.

I broke down, I really did.    Daydreaming of him in my future and all the fun we would have was over.   The little movie that played in my head again and again would never happen.   The next couple of hours, I wrote, told Putter my true feelings for him, cried and reached out to a couple of friends.  Friends from real life and friends I’ve made from doing this blog, friends on Twitter and Facebook.  I’m grateful to be surrounded by so many incredible people. I truly am.   

Last week, after what I wrote, I got comments and emails that dogged Putter and I defended him.  Now I’m not so sure I should have.  I’m pretty sure he lied to me and manipulated me, which is worse.  Only he knows for sure but I can’t defend that and wont.  I gave him a chance to explain and only got dead air back.  That tells me that I’m right.  He knew exactly what he would have to do to get to me and he did it just to get what he wanted that's very selfish.

I was really doing my best to put him in the past and he knew that.   He read my blog, knew I was getting close to someone else and asked me out so he could take one more ride on Magic Mountain.  He knew what he’d have to do to get what he wanted and he did exactly that.    He manipulated my heart and that’s unfair.

Everything about the night we had was perfect.  If it was anything less, I’d think that maybe he didn’t have feelings for me or that something was just off.    He was gushing about it and I was too.    We were more connected, talked about doing things in the future, our kids.   He tore down his walls and let me in and I was falling for him. 

Now I know that it was only so he could have sex.    I cannot begin to tell you how much that hurts.  

That night changed so much for me, since he was more open with me, I began seeing him in my future in a way I’d never seen before.  Things were different now because I felt him falling for me.    I saw us spending time with each other’s kids, doing things over the summer together, making wishes on dandelions and packing up the kids to take them to the drive in on a summer’s night.     While I was dreaming those things he was with someone else.  Ouch.

While I was writing about not wanting to juggle hearts, he was playing with mine.    That stings, it really does.  I’m not going to put my usual coat of sugar on it.  I can’t today and I won’t.  Fuck it, hold the sugar.   I’m devastated, couldn’t sleep and I just feel numb.  

So, that brings us ironically to Freakshow, wrapping up what happened at Christmas and bringing you into the present.    Again, ironic but right after Putter and I broke up at Christmas, Freakshow contacted me with holiday wishes.  The same thing just happened, which is beyond ironic. 

At Christmas, Freakshow asked if I was single.  I said I recently was and was still hurting.  I lost my job, my life sucked.  He seemed to care genuinely about me.   We talked and texted.  He brought up our future together, the relationship he wanted with me and how we would get through this together.   Having that comfort from him meant the world to me.

Because of how hectic Christmas was, obviously we weren’t able to make plans until 2 days after.  We made plans to meet for a drink and we were both sending texts back and forth about how excited we were to see each other again.   As the day went on, the excitement built.   We set up a time to meet and I braved the clear, brutal cold December night to see him.    While I was trying to warm up in the car, the memories of the hot summer nights played in my head.   Hot, sweaty, passionate evenings, stolen moments with a dash of the past hurt played in my brain like a movie.    I hadn’t allowed myself to fall for him that summer, but I was really close. 

As I was driving to our meeting point, I heard my text box chime.   At the next light I opened it up.  I couldn’t believe what it said.  He said, “I can’t meet you.  I haven’t been honest with you, I’m seeing someone else.”    I couldn’t believe what I just read.  It was all I could do to be able to get to a safe place to pull over and tell him what an asshole, assclown, assbag, asswipe, maybe more I can’t remember now, but you get the idea, right?   I told him to take me out of his phone I hated him.   Now, I have more respect for him.  Did I just say this for real and not backspace over it?    Apparently so. 

As much as I hated him in that moment and I had every right to, he didn’t use me.   He didn’t just use me like Putter apparently did.

All of this is so ironic, Freakshow texted me on my very first date with Putter.  He wanted to get back together at Christmas when I broke up with Putter.  Now he contacted me again after another breakup, you guessed it with Putter.     It was beyond weird that Freakshow texted me yesterday between texts with Putter.   Freakshow was sending me sweet texts and asking me out to dinner for last night, while I was crying… how perfect is that?

I’m not going to wallow and I’m not going to let it hold me back for a second.   This is only going to push me harder towards the good stuff.    I'm working hard on my book and I know good things are going to come out of all this.  Thank you for reading and your comments!

Smooches,

The Single Mom 

More of "Freakshow"

When Freakshow and I started dating it was in the midst of an unbearably hot and humid Midwestern summer.   He was articulate, nice looking, had a stable job as an Accountant, was a great dad and a seemingly good person.    He checked many of the boxes on my checklist and we had a great rapport and sparks which added up to one big fat red check mark.  

As I mentioned, he has a lot of children, 5 to be exact.  So, ya last time I checked, that’s a whole mess of kids.    From his account, many women are not interested in dating him when they find out how many kids he has.  I wasn’t deterred at all.  Obviously it’s difficult to manage from a time standpoint but I do like kids.   Their ages are from early teen to late teen, so we’re not talking Pampers here, we’re talking Clearasil and Ipods.    I’m fluent in teen so I wasn’t discouraged in the least.

He was also an avid golfer.  He was a former golf pro in his younger years and it wasn’t unusual now for him to golf up to 5 nights a week, making it difficult to make plans together.

We developed a really bad habit when I was away on business, and that was that most of our communication was over text.  A three hour time difference and crazy schedules made it difficult to talk except through text.  So, when I got home, we had established this really bad habit as our primary way to stay in touch.    During this week we texted a lot and it did start crossing into sexual themes.  I was starting to get an idea that his sexual taste could be outside of my boundaries.

We went on several dates before we were intimate.  Once our conversations went into the sex, we spent most of our time texting about sex.  He was really turned on by stockings, and fascinated with threesomes.  Neither one of these two is all that unusual, however he’s practically obsessed with them and our conversations eventually always went back to these subjects.  

Our first time together was really awkward, I won’t go into gory details, but we both left feeling a little weirded out.   The next few days, the communication was sporadic and I think both of us were processing our feelings for each other and rethinking our status.

As summer went on, we continued to see each other, just less and less.  In his free time, he golfed a lot and it seemed like we only had stolen moments here and there.    Our sex life did improve immensely, however.  The downside of this was that it became the focus of our entire relationship.    

After about six weeks, I invited him to come over and bring his kids on a Saturday night.  He about flipped out when I brought it up, so I backed way off of this idea.   It told me that he obviously wasn't ready to make this big of a step, so I never brought it up again.

The hot weather started to subside and cooler September days began to replace the brutal summer heat.  His time seemed to be even more rare, causing me to be frustrated and wonder if there was a future for us or not.    I was getting attached to him but still holding back some.

On one of those early September evenings, my friends and I went to a local church festival on a Saturday night to see one of our favorite bands.  The parish is huge, probably more than 2000 families registered and the festival is well attended.   This just so happened to be the parish he attended and I didn’t mention to him that I was going to be there with my friends.     

I considered there would be a possibility that he would be there, knowing that he had his children on this particular weekend, but I didn’t let it deter me from going.   As my friends and I walked around, I kept one eye out for him as I enjoyed the night out with my friends.   Out of the corner of my eye, I just so happened to catch his white blonde hair and his distinctive face in the crowd.  He did not see me and I popped behind a game booth to get a better look at him and the woman he was talking to.

Seeing him there with another woman, made my blood boil because I had just been with him the day before.  I casually walked back to join my friends and they could immediately tell that I was upset.   I texted him “Looks like you’re having fun on your date!”   I knew it seemed creepy, but I didn’t care, I was pisssed.   I wanted him to know that I could see him and I was mad.   He texted me back right away, “I’m not on a date, this is my ex.”  I considered that it could be true but it didn’t seem likely.

This situation exaggerated my already growing suspicion that he was seeing someone else.  He denied that he was on a date that night and that I was making too much of nothing.    I wanted to see him more than he could make time for.   So, the bottom line became that I wasn’t happy despite whatever his reasons were for distance.  He was unwilling to make an effort to make a real change, so I decided to move on. 

I immediately began dating again and put him in the past, with some remorse for it not working out.   Ironically he tried to reconnect with me again in November right when I began seeing Putter.  In fact, on my first date with Putter, he text bombed me during it.   When Putter went to the bathroom, I had several texts from Freakshow like “Come make love to me.” And “I miss you.”    I met Freakshow for a drink later that week, but it just seemed like more of the same from him, so I cut contact off from him.

Next time... Our reconnection at Christmas and why I told him to never contact me again...

Smooches,

The Single Mom