The Second Date: The Red Shoes, Passion and... a Bad Decision?

Last post: Niceguy11 and I were getting to know each other after the excitement of our sexy first date.


After our first date, Niceguy11 and I continue to get closer and closer.   We text a lot throughout the days and try to talk every night.   He is a good listener and I feel safe telling him anything.    The week was a busy one for both of us, he had to go to the west coast unexpectedly for most of it.   We tried to keep in touch as much as we could.  The time zone did make it more difficult to actually talk.   

It’s kind of funny because when we did talk, it was about us and feeling out parameters of a relationship.  We talked about our kids and our work schedules, traveling, favorite dinners, even discussing house chores. 

However, when we text we get deep into “Dirtytown”.    It’s almost like having a conversation with another person or something.  Our texting goes into things like lingerie, orgasms, turn on’s etc.   These things really don’t come up when we are talking on the phone.  Why is intimacy so much easier via text?  Hmmm…

In our phone conversations, he brought up some drama he is having with his daughters.   One of them is angry at him for moving out and “breaking up their family”.   He is holding his tongue to protect her from the truth about his mom and her cheating.     She was really upset and blowing up his phone the night we were at the wine bar on our first date.  So, now I understood why he was so absorbed with his phone that night.  Being the great dad he is, I can tell how much this is truly upsetting him and I wish I could think of the right words to console him. 

His hotel room overlooks the beach and he sends me a picture to tease me.  I’m watching it snow again and expecting school to be closed tomorrow and the kids to be home from school (again!).   He complains about having to make small talk over a steak dinner at his business meeting while I’m eating leftover Spongebob Macaroni & Cheese out of the pan. I kinda want to punch him in the face… lol.

I’m really looking forward to our date this weekend, kissing him and feeling wanted again.  He teases me about the red shoes and I joke that I don’t think I have anything to wear them with.   Truth is I’ve known what I’m wearing for our date all week.  I have some khaki pants that I’ve picked out.  Every time I wear them I get random comments about my ass.    I have on a black sweater twinset that shows off the rack a little, but still tasteful.  I have the red heels, a red belt and purse to finish it all off.    

It felt great to get ready for a date and trade in my two layers of sweat pants and sweatshirts.   I straightened my hair, put on makeup and felt just right.   I couldn’t wait to see him and I know he really needed to unwind from the week.   Driving to the restaurant, I wondered if our chemistry would still be there or if it would feel different somehow.

We arranged to meet in the bar at our local Italian restaurant for dinner.   He had a vodka and cranberry waiting for me after texting me and pretending to be my personal cabana boy.   When I arrived, I was greeted with a construction worker like whistle, a really big hug and a long, almost too long kiss.   He noticed the shoes right away and he loved them.

I could see him visibly relaxing and he said something about how it felt good to not have to make small talk for a change over dinner.    As I ordered my steak, he joked about being sick of steak and ordered a seafood pasta dish.  We exchanged bites of each other’s dinner and flirted shamelessly all night.  He kept ordering me a fresh drink and I lost track of if I had 3 or 4.  

We shared the most delicious chocolate dessert, a flourless chocolate cake.  He playfully offered me the first bite and then took it away before putting it in my mouth.   I made intentionally long eye contact before I said, “I will remember that, and you WILL pay for it.”  He returned the long eye contact and I really wanted him to kiss me right then.

When dinner was over and I stood up, the drinks caught up to me.   I felt really relaxed but safe with him.    He offered we go back to his place, knowing I still had to get home at a relatively decent hour tonight.   We went back and turned on some music and just relaxed, kissing and ya, well just lots of kissing, everywhere.   This time it was me slowing things down, I wasn’t ready to sleep with him.  He agreed and said that he wanted more but didn’t want to take it further tonight.  We ended up dozing off in each other’s arms for a few minutes.  

When we awoke, he smoothed out my hair and drove me back to the restaurant and my car.    He made sure I was ok to drive and I assured him that I was.  He made me promise him to text him I got home safely and I said I would. 

Being in my cold car woke me up quickly and I drove the long way out of the parking lot to the main entrance and parking lot of the Irish Pub.   When I saw Putter’s car, my stomach dropped and my heart started thumping hard.  
(Read who Putter is in: "The first date: nervous jitters, little white lies and hot kisses.")

I tried to talk myself out of doing something stupid.   It sounded great in my head, but that just didn’t happen.

Smooches,

The Single Mom

Next:  Are the feelings over between Putter and me?

 

A Fresh Start with A Nice Guy (Niceguy11)... After our First Date...

Last post:  A perfect date with an authentic nice guy, Niceguy11 at the cozy Wine Bar.   The conversation and the drinks flowed.   The night ended with very passionate kisses and promises to see each other soon


On the drive home I changed the radio station from the usual hip hop music station I normally listen to, to the love song station.  (I had to hunt it down, I don't listen to it much...)   I kept replaying the night in my head.  It was about as perfect as a first date could be.   We laughed, we shared and there was so much passion.   He is an incredible man, attractive, funny and kind.  He is also a really great dad which is one of the most important things to me.  So, knowing he loves country music is pretty easily forgiven, lol.     


He is a little older than me, just 8 years and a manager at a manufacturing plant.   He’d been in the same job for several years and even does a lunch time bible study on Tuesdays.   The hardest part would be not allowing myself to completely fall in love with this almost perfect man.   I kept trying to think of what could be the hitch, is he gay, does he have to take little blue pills, is there a bloody axe in his trunk?   What the hell could it be, there had to be something...

Pulling into my driveway and walking to the front door felt like walking on a cloud. Although it was freezing cold out it didn’t phase me in the least.  It was a magical night walking under the stars and the bright moon to my door.  I kicked off my shoes and chuckled about the black high heels and our little inside joke.   I texted him, “I’m home xxxooo” and headed upstairs for bed.   While removing my makeup and clothes I just kept grinning about how perfect the night was.  I could literally feel my heart beating in my chest and I was hoping he was thinking of me too.   

My phone on my nightstand buzzed and I opened his text that said “Next time, wear the RED shoes! Xxxoo”   I smiled and went off to sleep with a huge smile on my face.


He was my first thought when my eyes opened the next morning I was hoping that everything that happened the night before wasn’t a dream.    Slowly, opening my eyes to my furniture pushed to one side of my bedroom, taped walls and spackled holes, it made the day before all come back in my mind… running errands, buying the shoes and of course spending the evening with Niceguy11.  


This morning started in a similar way like the day before, brewing the morning’s coffee, taking the dog out and looking outside to see the sunshine over the snowy white backyard.   Yet, everything seemed more ideal somehow, the coffee smelled better, the snow in the backyard seemed like it had a handful of diamonds tossed out over the snow, everything was just more beautiful somehow.  I sighed, feeling so happy, remembering him kissing me, us laughing together.  It was hard to believe that everything could be so different in just a 24 hour period of time.  I wouldn't even say I was smiling anymore, it was more like an ear to ear grin.


 After feeding the dog, starting a load of laundry and drinking the morning’s coffee, I head back up to work on my painting project.   Of course, I take a detour to check my phone.  I’m so ecstatic to see a text from Niceguy11, “Good morning, gorgeous!”.     I’m trying to debate the perfect thing to say  back.   After typing a few things that just sound too corny, I backspace through them and just say a simple “Good morning, baby”.   I tell myself I don’t want to make it look like I overdid it or anything… ya, that works...   He sends me back, “Happy painting”.  He knows I hate to paint so I know he is poking his elbow in my ribcage and I laugh at this teasing.


I’m ready to paint but distracted.   All my supplies are ready but still can't stop thinking of him.    I feel like a teenager, I check our horoscope signs to see if we are compatible  (I do this as I’m getting to know someone.  I know it’s silly, but I do it anyway.  I only put stock in what it says if i like the guy and the horoscope agrees that it's a good match. lol)   It says we are a good match sexually, but a long term relationship could be rocky.   Hmmmm…. I’m going to ignore that last part. 


I’m ready to get on my project and the day flew by because I was consumed with getting it finished. The fresh coat of paint makes everything feel new and even the smell triggers me to think of new beginnings.   This was my marital bedroom and hasn't been painted in more than 15 years, yikes it needed it!  It felt great to be making this my own and kept wondering if Niceguy11 would ever spend any time in here... hmmmm. 


Niceguy11 and I exchange flirty and sweet texts all day.  After a quick run to the grocery to stock up for lunches for the week, the boys come home and we share dinner before it’s time to get in the groove for the new week ahead.  Niceguy11 and I talk that night and set up a date for mid week this week, so it feels great knowing we will see each other soon.  I'm so excited to see where this goes and tell myself, "I'm sure there is no bloody axe in his trunk" or anything else to be concerned about. 

Smooches,

The Single Mom


Next time: A harried week, unexpected travel and unplanned "baggage" surfaces.

First Date with Niceguy11, The Cold Saturday Night Heats Up, part two

Last post: First kiss with Niceguy11 on a first date, flirty conversation and cocktails...

We both pull back reentering the reality of being in the wine bar, yet not exactly wanting to.  Our eyes are still locked on each other and we are both reaching for each other’s hands instinctively.  In my mind, I’m picturing his grey flannel sweater and slacks in a crumpled pile on the floor next to my bed.   I’m pretty sure that his thoughts aren’t too far from mine as I’m running my index finger over his hand, from the tip of his middle finger down to his wrist.   I don’t mean to but I’m aware that as I’m looking at him, I’m biting my lower lip.  It seems a little too cliché but I don’t think he cares too much about that right now.  

At just about the same exact moment we both exhale and say “Wow’.  I can only speak for me, but it is just about the only word that I can access right now.   I have to consciously make myself breathe.  On perfect cue, our waiter appears with our appetizers and fresh drinks.    This drink goes down much quicker than the first; the conversation likewise flows perfectly between bites of the spinach artichoke dip and sips of the martinis.  

I couldn’t be feeling any more dreamy than in this moment, hearing Harry Connick Jr. crooning about love, feeling the warmth of the fire, sharing the company of this wonderful man and well the vodka didn’t hurt much either, just sayin…  We talk about everything from music, favorite concerts, movies and travels.   We then dare each other to share most embarrassing moment stories and expose just a smidgen of our concealed (or not so concealed) geeky sides.

Our loud laughter at each other’s awkward moment stories echoes loudly in the bar as we suddenly become aware that we are the only customers left.  We both check our phones and are surprised that it is now almost 2 am, and we have been talking for five hours.  The waitresses and waiters are feverishly counting money in registers, bussing tables and don’t seem concerned at all with our lingering.   Niceguy11 does however get our waiter’s attention for our check and ignores my offer to contribute.  I tell him thank you and we have a very quick kiss to punctuate the moment.  He mentions that he is paying despite being teased and ripped off by me not wearing the red shoes. 

As we are collecting our coats and scarves and preparing to leave this cozy cocoon of the wine bar, and reenter the cold January evening we are both acting coy about the prospect of seeing each other and having full calendars.   He opens the front door for me as we both walk outside, jolted by the cold winter air.   

We easily spot our cars since the parking lot is empty and ours are the only two there.    The sky is clear and the moon is shining brightly as I back up against my car facing him.   He places his hand firmly on the back of my head and our mouths were on each other’s in seconds.   We couldn’t have been any closer as his whole body was pressed against me pushing me against my car.  I could feel how much he wanted me and it was mutual.  

My mouth opened up to him and the way he kissed me told me that if we ever made love, it would be incredible.  His hand moved from my waist to my ass and he pulled me closer to his body in one movement.  

I envisioned in my mind having an angel on one of my shoulders and the devil on the other, just like in movies.  The angel was telling me that it was time to stop kissing now in a very nagging voice.  I was thinking to myself, “Screw that!” and the devil gave me a thumbs up and a wink.  My “third date rule” now seemed silly and my body was telling my brain that the rule was ridiculous.  As we were kissing, he breathed something that sounded like “I should stop” and I nodded in agreement while intentionally kissing him harder.

He pulled back and stopped kissing me, saying that we should both go before we went too far.  I knew I’d be grateful for his self-discipline eventually, but I wasn’t feeling that way right now.    I thanked him again for the evening .   He made me promise to text him when I got home to let him know I arrived safely.   We exchanged a couple more quick kisses before I got into my car and drove home.

Smooches,

The Single Mom

Next time: Another date with Niceguy11... after many years of dating disasters, could this finally be a keeper????   Also: more from an ex, and why was Niceguy11 so engrossed with his phone?

First Date with Niceguy11: The Cold Saturday Night Heats Up

Last post:  Last minute Saturday night plans with a new man, Niceguy11, and playful banter about me not wearing the red shoes he wanted me to wear, instead wearing black ones.

He crossed his arms and stared at me like a parent does to a naughty child.  He knew I was being intentionally obstinate and through the “stink eye” face he was trying to pull off, I knew he was charmed by my little defiant act.  He made a playful comment about dealing with a bad girl.  The long eye contact we held after that comment relayed how attracted he was to me and I could feel my body relax a bit and be myself, whew!.

We were interrupted by a waiter carrying a tray of two drinks in martini glasses.  The intimate moment we were sharing was obvious to him and I could tell he felt a little awkward having to appear just then.     As part of the presentation, he lit the tops of the drinks on fire after setting them down.   The quick flame was a little jolt that brought us out of our trance.    The drink was delicious and made my whole body feel warm.   While drinking it I have to admit I was absorbed watching him drink and thinking about kissing him.

We couldn’t stop talking.   Being with him felt more like catching up rather than meeting someone new because we had so much in common.   Our marriages unraveled for similar reasons and he completely understood feeling alone in a marriage. I felt connected with him as we talked because he knew the empty feeling I described and he nodded his head when I talked about it.   We were both able to make little jokes about it now looking at it as a part of the past.  

We talked about our children and I could instantly tell that he was an incredible dad to his two grown daughters.   His tone of voice and his facial expressions changed when he talked about them as he pointed to a picture of the dark haired beauties on his phone.   Their faces resembled him in many ways and I knew he was wrapped around both of their fingers.   His voice started to weaken and crack as he talked about how the divorce affected them.  As their nearly 20 year marriage was falling apart, his exwife started having an affair.   The girls suspected it but he was too protective of them to expose their mom’s indiscretion.   I reached across the table to put my hand on top of his to comfort him and he seemed to genuinely appreciate the gesture.  

I don’t want to or do I recommend wallowing in the “exfiles” for long on a first date, or really any date, but the triage of a failed marriage is an obligatory and important conversation to gauge potential relationship material.  Please don’t misunderstand that if the answers are acceptable here, that I’m going to instantly pull out my wedding planning notebook and write "Mrs. Niceguy11" on the cover, dotting the I’s with crystal hearts.   However, it is important to know that someday the possibility could exist of running through Bed Bath and Beyond registering for gifts and arguing about thread counts and towel fluffiness.

As he speaks, I’m taking in every detail of his face, his mostly greying head of hair, a hairline that is sneaking back behind his forehead, his piercing blue eyes and his soft lips.  I’m trying to not be too obvious about staring at his lips, but I’m not sure I’m pulling that off.    I’m getting out my imaginary wooden clipboard, questionnaire and red marker, however  I cannot find much we don’t agree about.   Our most passionate argument was about his love for country music. We had a playful fight about whether toilet paper should roll from the top or bottom (TOP, duh!).    Our banter is playful and we both have to fight smiles as we pretend to have a spirited debate over toilet paper.   He takes this moment to bring up my defiant act of not wearing the red shoes and his feigned anger about it.   I think I’m being more slick than I actually am when I promise to wear them on the second date.

Our waiter reappeared and this time it was perfect timing to transition us to a new conversation.  We ordered some light appetizers, more drinks and I excused myself to the ladies room.   I checked my phone for messages and had two unopened texts.  One was from my creepy long distance stalker, perfect.   Momentarily, I imagine him tonight night watching Star Trek, with his full set of action figures, eating pizza.  He is overcome with jealousy that I’m likely out on a date and is jealous.  Maybe it’s unfair of me to peg him this way, but his somewhat needy text tells me that I’m not far off.   (Nerd Alert!)

The other text is from “Rockstar”, my exboyfriend from several summers ago.  His text is a very simple “Hi”.  It is totally like him to be casual and unassuming like this. His life and my life couldn’t have been more opposite and his being such a free spirit was the undoing of us, time after time.   He was the one through the years I always imagined running at each across a meadow on a sunny day with our arms outstretched.  I erased that thought quickly from my mind nearly as soon as it came because my mind was made up about him.

I do not reply to either text, toss my phone in my purse, reapply lipgloss, and walk back into the bar.   Niceguy11 has relocated our drinks the cozy couch in front of the fireplace.   We had been eyeing the area all night and apparently he snagged it when the double daters left.  The foursome looked like they just stepped off of the golf course, and if it weren’t the middle of January I’d think that was spot on.  They had country club, wine snobs written all over them, and Niceguy11 and I had a little fun at their expense as we were coveted the comfy couch area.  

Niceguy11 is checking his phone and is engrossed in whatever is going on on the other end of it.  He shakes off his distraction with his phone as I sit next to him on the still warm leather. couch.  He makes a joke about kicking the country clubbers off of the sofa just for me and winks at me for effect.  I let him have his little victory and we both chuckle. 

The laughter abruptly stops as we begin staring deeply into each other's eyes.  He is now holding my face in between both hands and the intensity of the moment is heating up.  It seems like a moment frozen in time, our mouths finding each other slowly, filling the space between us.  I hear some light jazz in the background, feel warmed by the fire and feel his hands gently pulling my face towards his.   When our mouths finally meet, it feels a little like I swallowed some fire and it immediately went from my mouth down to my toes like lightning.   Our mouths gently opened for each other, tongues gently touching each other in a perfect first kiss. 

.

Smooches,

The Single Mom

Next time: the date continues...

Hot New Shoes & Hot New Man on a Cold Saturday Night...

Last post:  Reading through emails from the online dating site, lots of "interesting" guys, including a real witch and one nice guy, (Niceguy11)

Saturday morning’s first thoughts were about the creepy witch guy and those glaring eyes.   I must have been dreaming about him and my conscious was trying to kick in and make the vision of him disappear.  One more irrational thought slips in as I wonder if deleting his email triggered some kind of revenge spell and my dating life would be somehow cursed.  Nah, I tell myself I’m being irrational… plus could it possibly be a lot worse?    

As I go downstairs to start the day and the morning coffee, thoughts of the emails I traded last night with Niceguy11 fill me with happier thoughts.  The morning's coffee and thinking of him warms me up on this cold winter's morning.   I debate with myself to conjure up the nerve to call him.  I don’t want to seem pathetic but he did really seem sweet and genuinely interested in me.

The day’s plan includes a trip to Home Depot for paint and miscellaneous stuff to redo my bedroom.  (translation: making it look like a single girl sleeps here)   I’m hoping a fresh coat of paint, new curtains and rearranging the furniture will erase the bad memories made in this room during my marriage

I have a night out with friends tonight, so all in all it should be a really good Saturday.   I decide to check emails and Facebook before I hit the shower and start checking off my list for today.   I’m happily surprised to see an email from Niceguy11 that he sent late last night with sweet goodnight wishes.   He is really starting to get to me and maybe restore hope a little. 

As I’m online I get a text from my creepy long distance stalker.   He is right on schedule, a text just as I sign on… perfect.  I promise myself I’m going to start ignoring him and hope that it makes him stop eventually.  

I decide to text Niceguy11,  I send him a quick hello and good morning text just before I run into the shower.   When I get out of the shower, I have a text from him and he just keeps amazing me with how romantic he is.   He said “Good Morning, Beautiful.  I was just thinking of you.”   We exchange a few cute and flirty texts back and forth as I’m getting dressed for running Saturday errands.

As I’m getting into my car,  my phone rings and it is Niceguy11 calling me.  He says, “My thumbs are killing me, me can we just talk the old fashioned way?”   We both laugh and it gets the conversation off on a great foot.   It feels very comfortable and I’m really surprised how funny he is, this is really going great.  He teases me about going to Home Depot to try to meet men and we are playful back and forth.   He says, “This is really last minute, but I’d really love to meet you, are you doing anything tonight?”  I’m disappointed to say that I already have plans but I’d really like to meet him soon too.  

We end the conversation and I get my things at Home Depot for my project.  I’m still thinking about him and trying to temper my excitement about meeting him soon.  I have a sudden urge to go shoe shopping.  As I’m driving to the shoe store, I get a text from one of my friends about our plans for tonight.  One of her kids is sick and she and her husband are going to stay home tonight.  After a few more texts and a phone call, my friends all decide to try reschedule the dinner for next weekend. Since tonight’s plans have changed, I think that maybe it could work out for a date tonight with Niceguy11.

I decide to call him and explain that my plans for tonight are changing and would he like to meet me tonight after all.   He teases about being my “Plan B” and we make plans to meet at the wine bar at 7:00.   I’m being a little flirty as I’m trying on shoes asking him if I should get the black heels with the open toe or the red high heels.   He picks the red ones.  As I’m taking both pairs to the cashier, I ask him if I get to pick what he is going to wear.  He says he already knows but is going to surprise me.   

We end the conversation and even though I know I shouldn’t be, I’m absolutely giddy about meeting him.  I try to picture in my mind what to wear tonight with the red shoes and can’t decide.   Thinking over how funny and sweet he is just makes me so excited for tonight.  I’m singing along with the car radio like a dork, but I can’t help feeling excited.   When I get home I realize I got a text from him 20 minutes ago but didn’t hear it over the radio.  When I read, “I cannot wait to see you tonight!” I couldn’t fight a serious case of the warm fuzzies taking over my whole body.

I daydreamed my way through all of my Saturday chores, thinking of tonight and meeting Niceguy11.    I picked out the perfect outfit and spent a lot of time on my hair and makeup and choosing jewelry.  I didn’t want to look overdone, but just right.   Everything is exfoliated, shaved, polished, made up, shiny, pushed up and sucked in, lol.   He texted me that he has a table for us at the wine bar and should he order something to have waiting for me.   I text back “Surprise me, I’ll see you in 5 minutes.”

It feels like the 15 minute drive only took two minutes.  I couldn’t wait to meet him and although I’ve only known him for gosh a day, I totally felt comfortable.  Once I walked in, I recognized him right away.   He smiled a huge smile that instantly made me feel comfortable.   When he hugged me, he pressed his body hard against mine and I knew it was going to be a great night.   He was much more handsome than his pictures and he smelled so amazing.   As we sat down, I was obvious when I crossed my legs to get his attention.  He noticed right away that I wore the black shoes, not the red ones he chose.  I was being a little stubborn and just a little playful when I pointed out that I compromised by painting my toes red...

Smooches,

The Single Mom

Next time: More of the Saturday night with the Hot (&Nice) Guy and a random text from an ex...

A Menagerie of Freaks + One Nice Guy = My Inbox

Last entry: after our first date, “Herbie54” was coming on strong with me, then he had a sudden realization that he had unfinished feelings for his ex and cancelled a date with me.  In a weak moment, I drunk texted my ex, “Putter” (who broke up with me just before Christmas)...

I’d really love to say that “Putter” texted back and was thrilled to hear from me but that didn’t happen at all.   He did send me back a lame courtesy text but it was obviously charity and nothing else.  I reread it three times looking for something to hold onto, some little nugget of hope but it just wasn't there    It really hurt but made me realize that it was time to put my feelings for him in the past.   Sometimes we need a glass of cold water thrown right in our face for us to see reality and that text was that for me.   It was time to move on.

So, I did what any self-respecting (or not) single girl would do... I poured myself a big glass of red wine and I signed back on to the dating site to check my emails.  Hmmm… let’s see… well there is the guy who lives 2 hours away who is obsessed with me who texts me whenever he sees me online.  It’s creepy because it's like he waits to see me online, then I magically get a text at the same exact time (creeeeepy).   Nice... this time it is a sweet poem about me, it's charming and makes me smile and feel uncomfortable all at the same time.

Some goofy looking guy sent me a crappy form email, which irritates the stuffing out of me.  It is written in broken English and I'm suspicious that he is a scammer.   I opened another email from a dude who looks like he could be my grandpa who wants “friends with benefits”.  I’m sorry but there aren’t enough rufies on the planet to make that happen, grandpa sorry!  I'm in my 40's -- not Betty White, this old man surely needs new trifocals.  Or maybe he thinks "friends with benefits" is some kind of health care plan.  Either way, I'm out.

Is this really my life?   REALLY?   Maybe the "crazy cat lady" gig is a better idea... I like cats - I don't love them, but it does sound a hell of a lot better in this moment.   My expectations aren't altogether unrealistic: somewhat attractive, a nice guy, the ratio of teeth that he has is greater than the ones he doesn't.   Is that so much to ask for, I don't think so.   Maybe cats are the way to go.


Oh ok, here is one from some guy who is my polar opposite telling me how much we have in common.  Ya… I don’t think so Mr. Nascar, mullet man we don't have anything in common and I'm not going to drive 2 hours to meet you just to go to the tractor pulls just so I can tell you to your face.

Hmmmm.... cats are clean, and although I'm allergic I could take allergy medicine...


I’m hoping for better prospects when I check out the guys who have recently looked at my profile.   There are two new “lookers”, a shirtless guy who looks like he is maybe 20 and has multiple piercings on his face, and a super scary dude.  The scary dude has dark, long and stringy hair and his eyes look like they could burn a hole right through me.   Out of curiosity, I click on his profile… ok perfect… he is a witch… I’m not making this up and I’m not judging either, but it just isn’t my thing.  I’m home alone tonight and now kinda creeped out.  

Hmmmm.... I bet my dog would do ok with cats, ya I'm sure he would...


Just when I was about to give up hope of finding anyone resembling normal, a new email pops up in my inbox from a nice looking guy who seems sincere.  He is a couple years older than me cute, well-built and his profile talks about romance a lot.    The email he wrote is respectful and he even sounds maybe a little bit shy (Wow, does this guy know what he is getting himself into?).  

I’m really intrigued by how he seems so sweet, romantic and genuine.  Everything about the words he chooses and the way he approaches me is respectful and considerate.  There is something really different about him that grabs my attention.  So, I answer his email and get another from him in just a few minutes… in the course of about a half an hour we send back and forth 6 emails, each one more sweet and romantic than the next.    In the last one, he gave me his phone number and offers me to text him or call him whenever I’m ready, no pressure.  He hints at wanting to see me this weekend, so we will see.  Hmmmm… a nice guy, really?  Should I even get my hopes up?  Should I call him and see what “the catch” is?  Maybe he is so well built because he just got out of prison?   Perhaps I'm wearing "wine goggles".  lol

Hearing from the nice guy (Niceguy11)  took the sting out of getting an email from the guy who practices witchcraft…  deleting it immediately was a no brainer...  however sleeping tonight won’t be nearly as easy… 

Smooches,

The Single Mom

Next time:   A legit nice guy... and Herbie64 has second thoughts about cancelling his date with me... 

"Take a second out to think about this: in your life you search and search for the right person for you.  Every time you break up with someone you get one step closer to that person.  You should look at moving on as getting closer to meeting the one."   Ian Philpot

Freaky Friday: The Top 8 Freaky Emails I Have Received (Adult Content)

It still amazes me when I look back on my dating diary and some of the experiences that have happened along the way.    When I first started dating again I was so naïve and have learned so much, some the hard way.   Before my marriage, I had romantic, attentive and loving boyfriends.   So my expectations of going back out onto the market in my late 30’s were that I’d have similar experiences.  WRONG!

My first year and a half of dating felt like a really bad Lifetime movie.   I shedded my religion teacher, PTA mom,  white picket fence persona and was thrust into the middle of a nightmare relationship with an extreme bad boy.   Let’s just say, I learned my lesson quickly on the bad boy thing.  My perfect man now is 90% good with 10% bad.  J

I literally started online dating after a few glasses of wine when a girlfriend grabbed my computer and created my profile for me.   My therapist at the time recommended that I date a vast array of men, go on as many dates as possible and meet lots of different types of men.   I took her advice that summer and there were weeks I had 6 dates a week.     Thinking of that now exhausts me, but it taught me a lot about what I want and more importantly what I don’t.  

In the same amount of time, I could have earned a bachelors degree and been on my way to a masters, lol.  I do feel like I know a lot about dating, many of my friends come to me now for “coaching” and advice.  Funny thing is, when I’m into someone, I lose all of my "game".  I know what I SHOULD do, but that doesn’t always happen.  It's so easy for me to give someone else advice, but when my feelings are involved, my brain flies out the window.

With that being said, I do know a lot about dating, but relationships are murky waters to me.  Taking advice about relationships from me is like taking marital advice from Tiger Woods.   However,  I do want a long term relationship, so I’m hoping I can figure it out, and soon.

So, since this is my “Freaky Friday” blog, I thought I’d share the 8 Freakiest (& Funniest)people who have emailed me. 

• A man whose screenname started with “Diapers” (ironically his headline said something like, "Why is love so hard to find?"
  
• A man who recently emailed me who looked like he could be my grandpa wanting to be my "friend with benefits".  (There aren't enough rufies on the planet to make that happen!)
• A woman... I guess she thought she could get me to switch teams (???)
• A man who I went on a first date with a few years ago who practically mauled me.  I literally had to push off of me and throw him out of my car because he was all over me.  (Did he think I forgot?)
• A woman who was looking for another woman for a threesome with her husband.
• A man who confessed it had been 8 years since he had sex.  (He was a great looking guy, just was really damaged from his divorce, really damaged.)
• Being matched on eHarmony with my exbrother inlaw.  (ewwwwww!)
• A man emailed me recently who told me he was romantic and wanted a long term relationship but his screen name referenced ... well let's just say... a body part he was really proud of. (wink, wink)

I hope you have a great weekend!

Smooches,

The Single Mom

Next time... picking back up - After the First Date...

After the First Date: Cold Feet, Creeping on Facebook and "Confirm Now" to Delete

Friday morning was a flurry of meetings, errands and attending to my sick son at home.  I was so busy that it didn’t occur to me that I hadn’t heard from Herbie64 until lunchtime.   We had our first date earlier in the week, it went well and we have been talking and flirting every day since.

I texted him a quick hello.  He replied back asking how my day was.   He sent me a text saying he was having a horrible day and wasn’t feeling well.  I sent him well wishes and an offer for him to let me know if he needed anything.   He replied back short and sweet.   

I spent Friday night with friends and didn’t from Herbie64 at all.   On Saturday morning, he texts me that he isn’t feeling up to going out tonight and apologizes.  Reading this text really annoys me, not that he is sick, but that he didn’t call me cancel.  I reply back with something gracious yet laced with obvious irritation.  

An hour later, the phone rings while my son and I are traveling to our local Target.  We went out searching for a popular, new video game that he wanted to buy with his Christmas money.  Herbie64’s voice is shaky and he began with an apology for cancelling.   An explanation followed and he said that the day before there had been some “Baby Mama Drama” and that it was the reason he was feeling so badly.  It also made him realize that he wasn’t completely over her and that a date would be a bad idea. 

My irritation quickly turned to understanding and I appreciated his honestly, offering friendship if he needed it.    This wasn’t the moment to throw in his face that he had grilled me so much about my feelings for Putter and him professing multiple times that he wanted to move forward with me.

Two smoothies and two different Target stores later, my son and I are home.   We both dash to check email and Facebook.  I’m really irritated to see Herbie64's status was recently changed to something that says something like how happy he is and is going out tonight with friends.  I get the part of going out with friends to let off steam.   The happy part seemed a little bit of a slap in my face, especially since about an hour ago on the phone he seemed practically ready to cry.  I’m asking myself if I’m being too sensitive, I really don’t think so.

The thought crossed my mind that he made up this little lie about his ex because something better came up.  Then I thought  I don't really want to keep him as a friend on Facebook... so I moved my cursor over to the blue "X" to delete him.  I walked away for a couple of minutes, then came back, took a deep breath and firmly pressed the “Confirm now” button.

I see Steven Tyler’s face in my head singing “I’m back in the saddle again. I’m back.”    Right, oh... I’m back alright.(sarcasm)  This effin saddle sucks!  Why do I do this, I ask myself.  Why do I keep putting myself back out there?  The song ringing in head mocks me and goes perfectly with the feeling of the big, ol' fist in my gut.   It’s a perfect match like a buttery Cabernet and a juicy steak.  

I spent the evening with my best girlfriend talking, laughing and having a few drinks.   I wish I could say that I DIDN’T drunk text Putter, but I kinda did, whoops.  

Smooches,

The Single Mom


Next time:  Do I hear back from Putter?  Spoiler alert: Yes.

After the First Date: Flirting, Facebook and Future Plans

The morning after our first date, I smile and sigh as I open Herbie64’s good morning text.  It has been in my inbox for a couple of hours before I have the chance to open it.  I’ve packed two school lunches, fed and took out our dog, tracked down matching socks for both boys, downed three cups of coffee and answered a handful of emails and drove one to school after missing the bus, before even thinking of checking my texts.

The first chance I had to look at my phone was while stopped behind a line of cars behind the elementary bus boarding the students.    His text says, “Good morning, sexy”.  I flip down my visor and look in the mirror and it says otherwise.  A sloppy ponytail and remnants of mascara from the night before were irrelevant details compared to having to make the mad dash to middle school on time.  Scraping the layer of ice off of my windshield and arguing with him about why he needs to go to school despite the tummy ache du jour took precedence over primping. 

I read that text and the next two, “thinking of you” followed by “Wow you are a GREAT kisser!”.  I guess I really did “bring sexy back” last night lol … today however is a very different story.    I feel a little like a jerk that I’ve not gotten back to him, so I do so now, being thankful and trying to muster up a little sexy mojo.  I hope it fools him because I’m not fooling myself.

Before our first date, he sent me a friend request on Facebook, tracking me down somehow… a little creepy no doubt.  I reluctantly added him because I didn’t want to look like I was hiding anything.  This morning his status was about how he had a great day yesterday and life is good.  The message was a little cryptic, but no doubt intended for me to read.  During the day we continue texting, he says he can’t wait to see me on Saturday and that he doesn’t want to wait that long.   I’m keeping some distance but still flattered. 

That evening after my kids are in bed, the laundry is folded and the kitchen cleaned up after dinner, I text him that I’m now ready to talk.  After hitting send, my phone rings before I can set it back down and we talk about our Saturday night plans.  It is a few days away and he has racked up major points for remembering our very first phone conversation and how I always wanted to go to the little jazz club downtown with the rooftop bar.  

Our conversation does wander to the edge of a PG-13 rating scale, but just barely.   I set the parameters of the “3^rd date rule”, so I don’t think things will get too crazy on Saturday.   Our conversation is light and I can feel myself letting my guard down just a little more.   I’m starting to see him coming with me to planned events in my near future, the fundraiser in two week and the dinner outing with friends the week before.     We say goodnight for the evening and he says how much he is looking forward to another kiss.  

I hang up the phone and think through the past ten days or so that I’ve known him.  He has been pursuing me consistently, being sincere and wearing down my defenses little by little.   I’m becoming more confident that I’m doing the right thing by moving ahead and that my feelings for Putter truly are evaporating.

I hear “I’m back in the saddle again” looping in my head again as I’m brushing my teeth and simultaneously trying to ignore the reality of the 40-something year old face in the mirror.  Suddenly, I’m really grateful for quality makeup and bras with “special effects”.    I’m trying to be excited about Saturday night but I’d be lying if I said I was.   As I turn off the light and get comfortable under my covers, my thoughts drift to Putter as they do every night when I close my eyes.


Smooches,

The Single Mom


Next time.... Creeping and Cold Feet

The First Date: Nervous Jitters, Little White Lies and Hot Kisses

Lipgloss? Check.   Cute outfit?  Check.   Breath mints in pocket? Check.   

Tonight is the first date with "Herbie64"  I'm driving to our meeting place, replaying our phone conversations in my head and thinking of subjects to keep the discussion flowing.  What were his kids names again?  I know one started with a "J" ... did they both?   Maybe I should have worn the red blouse - does this show too much cleavage... or maybe not enough??? 

Our conversations have been great - a mixture of humor, warmth and sharing.  They ranged from our kids, our work, books read and about grieving the loss of our mothers.  We had a lot in common and there were no awkward silences between us.   I'd asked the obligatory relationship questions, "prequalifying" him for long term material, check.   


I get his text that he is there five minutes early waiting for me in a black Honda.   I'm circling to stall and collect my thoughts.  For me this is always the hardest part of meeting someone new.  Am I what they expected?   Do I look like my pictures or is he going to be disappointed?   Do I have something hanging out of my nose ("bats in the cave" )?  

During my drive to the restaurant, I'm wondering if he is checking off a similar mental checklist... almost makes me want to spy on him to see if he is looking up his nose in the rearview mirror too... almost.

As my final minutes are counting down, I get reassurance from Steven Tyler singing "I'm back in the saddle again.  I'm baaaaaack!"  Hell ya, Steven I AM back, thank you very much!  Back from wallowing about "Putter" and ready to meet someone new.  (Just because I chose the restaurant that Putter and I always went doesn't mean ANYTHING... or at least I'm trying to convince myself of that.)

I've stalled enough and the song ends as I pull in the spot next to the black Honda.  He smiles and we both exchange cheesy waves, opening our doors simultaneously.  He hugs me warmly, and says that I'm even more beautiful than in my pictures (Ha, take that, Putter!).

We walk inside the restaurant, choose a table and remove our coats.  Our waitress comes over quickly and recognizes me but doesn't make it obvious, which I'm thankful for.   We both order beers and they arrive fast, the conversation is already going very smoothly.  He is smiling and making a lot of eye contact.   The dialogue is a continuation of those we've had on the phone, not missing a beat.  We laugh, ask deep questions and talk about adjusting to life without our mothers. 

I excuse myself to use the restroom, and he playfully teases me that I'm going to sneak out the back door.  I subtly reach for my coat to continue the joke and we both laugh.  

When I arrive back to the table we continue talking and dig deeper into past relationships.  He shares that he recently broke up with a woman he was with for 9 years, the mother of his youngest son.  This was the relationship he alluded to on the phone that was so dysfunctional and dramatic.   I didn't realize it had only been a few months since it ended...hmmm.  As I'm listening to the current conversation, I'm also recalling our prior conversations.   He really did interrogate me about whether or not I was ready for a relationship.  The irony of this is certainly not lost on me right now.

The question had to be asked, so of course I ask it, "Are you sure you're ready to move on?"  He assures me that he is, he wants only healthy, drama free relationships.   The answer satisfies me for the moment.   He continued detailing how miserable the relationship was and what kind of relationship he really wants, intentionally describing me and how I match what he wants.

It's getting late and time for me to head home to my boys to review their homework and get them settled in for the night.   He picks up on my hints about ending the evening and asks me if we can go out again the following night.  I have plans but wouldn't agree to seeing him anyway.  I mention that we can do something over the weekend, he accepts this answer and walks me to my car.

He leans in to kiss me and it is a perfect first date kiss, lips open slightly, starting off slowly and then becoming a little more passionate.  After several continuous kisses, I pull back and thank him for the beer and that I'm looking forward to seeing him again soon.

On the drive home I'm replaying the evening in my mind and I feel pretty good about how it went.  The conversation went well and he seemed really attracted to me.   I'm maybe not as much so as him but leaving the door open for him to grow on me.  He has most of the qualities that I'm looking for, so that trumps appearance in my book any day.  

My mind drifts back to another cold evening and another first kiss - my first date with Putter.  That date was definitely higher on the charts: in connection, hilarious banter and passion.

It is this exact moment that I realize how much I loathe getting to know someone new all over again and how much I miss waking up next to Putter and how comfortable it felt ... I'm now rethinking Steven Tyler's empty affirmation.  

The lonely feeling was growing more intense as I got closer to home.   Fortunately, the boys needed my help with their homework, seeking the favorite pair of jeans for tomorrow, an unsigned permission slip and the messy kitchen was another welcomed distraction.

Before bed, I open Herbie64's "Goodnight, beautiful" text secretly wishing it was from Putter.  However reality reappears and I send goodnight wishes back to Herbie64.  This was a good way to end the evening and we are definitely off to a good start.  

He mentions Saturday night and the jazz club I brought up.  He is growing on me a little and I've been doing a pretty decent job of convincing myself that I really am ready and that this could be the right person.  I think I'm ready to move forward and talking myself into trusting that he is too.

I'm back in the saddle again

I'm back

I'm back in the saddle again

I'm back

Ridin' high
Ridin' high
Ridin' high already

Smooches,

The Single Mom



"Back in the Saddle" Steven Tyler & Joe Perry

Facebook + Dating = Awkward Situations... (I swear this stuff only happens to me...)

My relationship  with Facebook is kind of a love/hate thing.  One day, I'm creeping on a potential new guy and finding valuable information that saves me from making a huge mistake... the next day an ex I still have feelings for changes their relationship status to "In a Relationship" and then I never want to see Facebook again  

I'm also convinced I have a magnetic field that attracts weirdness and awkward situations.  My girlfriends swear that my purpose on the planet is to keep them entertained with all my clumsy, awkward stories.  Now I guess I'm sharing them with y'all... hopefully you can laugh at me and feel less like a dork, compared to me. ;)

Friday night was girls' night out and I really needed a night out   We have a local spot nearby that is known as a meat market, but I just go to dance and have fun.   (Ho's before Bro's... 2011 Resolution/Dare)

It felt great to get dressed up to go out.  I curled my hair, put on lots of Spackle (makeup).  I wore a black corset with a red cardigan over it, black pants and high heels.   I felt shiny, sexy and ready to have a good time with the girls.   One of my friends brought a girlfriend of hers, whom I'd never met.   Since she is a friend of one of my peeps,  I made a special effort to be nice to her to make her feel welcomed.   She turned out to be really sweet, funny and I like her a lot.  


We had a chance to talk a little and she mentioned that she is in a new relationship with a guy she sees a lot of potential with and she seemed really happy.   She and I talked and then were dancing together, some cute guys danced with us and we all had fun, but it didn't get crazy.   She kept complimenting me about my looks and she and I really clicked, it felt like we had known each other for a long time.   We had a lot of laughs and it was a blast.

Awkward moment coming... wait for it...


On the way out, we were all talking and she shared a little TMI about her sex life and how she had just tried anal sex for the first time with her new boyfriend.   We were all laughing as she was talking about it... obviously she was feeling comfortable with us and the several beers she had didn't hurt.   When it was time to say goodbye, she pulled me to the side and told me that she wanted us to become friends and to hang out some more and we hugged like we knew each other for years. 

Ok, the TMI was awkward, but that's not it...


In the morning, I had a friend request from her on Facebook and I accepted.   Her profile picture was of her and her boyfriend... hmmm he looks familiar... ya, this is where it gets awkward... he is an ex of mine, swell - and yes we had sex together.  Of course, it didn't end well to make it extra weird... two scoops of awkward, thanks!   Our thing was a few years ago, so it is totally in the past but I have to admit this was someone I really liked, we had crazy chemistry and got along really well.  

It was a short lived thing,  we rushed having sex, unfortunately.  He became distant and I got really upset.  Looking back now,  I see my mistakes and I wish we could have ended it better.  Unfortunately, we can't redo that and I don't want to complicate it and I surely don't want to create any friction for them.

So, now not only do I have an awkward situation but also a little moral dilemma - what I should do I tell her or do I let it go?  I'm thinking it would be better coming from him, but what if he doesn't tell her?  HELP!   Has anything like this happened to you?

Smooches,

The Single Mom

Freaky sex - crossing the freak line... what is too much?

Hello and happy Friday to you, woot!!!   Friday blogs are probably going to be your favorites because I'm going to talk about a "Freaky Friday" story or topic.  I'd love to hear from you and what you'd like to talk about.

Today's Freaky Friday blog is a true story that happened to The Single Mom and it is one that I still cannot believe.   Please know that The Single Mom is not a prude at all.  We all have our range of activities in the bedroom (or out of it wink, wink) that we are comfortable with.   I've definitely experimented more since being single and have learned a lot.  I joke that I have run into every freaky fetish that I know about, except those that are totally nasty.  Some I wish I never knew existed... yikes.  

A few years ago, I met a sweet, somewhat younger man online, "Studmuffin08".  He was probably 12 years or so younger and seemed like a great guy.  We talked awhile and went out on a date on which he was a perfect gentleman.   After the second date, I invited him in for a drink and we ended up making out on the couch.   He was very good looking and well built and I was extremely attracted to him.

At that time, I had a small terrier who was terrified of strangers and would hide under my bed when anyone was over.   Well, one thing led to another and we ended up in my bedroom, mostly kissing very passionately and our hands were all over each other.   This horrified my dog who now wouldn't stop barking.  We tried to ignore it and we were kind of chuckling about it between passionate kisses.

Things are getting more and more steamy and we are touching each other very intimately.  This is going on for several minutes and Studmuffin08 says, "Choke me."  I'm pretty confident in what I'm doing and I say "I am.  Do you want me to do it harder?"   Then he says, "No, I mean like this..." putting my hands on his neck.  (WTF???  Huh?)   Then he says, "Tell me you hate me and are going to kill me." 

Ok, so the dog is still barking like crazy and this guy asks me to choke him and tell him I'm going to kill him...  I got nothin' for that, seriously.   I can talk so dirty that it could make wallpaper peel down off of the bedroom wall, but telling someone I'm going to kill them?  I have no game at all for that.   This ended our evening and I didn't return his calls after that. 

So, you have your basic spanking, hair pulling, stuff like that... ok sure.. but choking and threatening to kill someone?   I'm out.  I knew this stuff existed and I knew there was a special porn category for this, but I guess I never expected to run into it.  

It brings me to ask, can a relationship work if both partners like totally different levels of freakyness?

Happy weekend, get your freak on... whatever that means to you!

Smooches,

The Single Mom