Kinky sex, what is it?

I was asked to write this guest post for another blog, http://just-call-me-frank.blogspot.com/.  This is a fellow blogger whose focus is primarily about mental health issues and she asked me to write about kinky sex for her readers.

So, what is kinky?  It’s a good question, it really is.   Obviously, kinky means a lot of different things to different people.  To one, anything outside of missionary is kinky and to others, there is a whole range of normal.   I don’t intend to judge or sound like that at all.  I’m certainly not in a position to pass judgment basically whatever floats your boat is good, as long as it’s consensual and doesn’t hurt anyone (well more than they may want).    I’m just going to share with you the range of things I’ve encountered in my 6 years of being single.

I’ve seen more than I’ve wanted to, actually.   There are things I didn’t know existed and some things have surprised me.  For me, it’s gotta be another person (of the opposite sex), adult, living and no rufies.   I know, I know, I’m such a buzzkill, call me old fashioned.

From my own experience, growing up mostly in the Midwest, married relatively young, I can honestly say that I was grossly unprepared for what sex would be like as a single woman and what I’d run into.     I do have a minor in Psychology and had to study human sexuality so I have some general clinical knowledge.  However, honestly I think the world has changed a lot since my college days and things that were edgy then could be seen as somewhat passé now.   

I think there are a few really obvious things that are somewhat routine now that weren’t when I was younger.  Sex is a lot more casual in general and it is talked about so much more now.   I can’t speak for any other women, but for me Sex and the City opened a lot of doors to dialogue for women in a way they hadn't before.  Women seem a lot more empowered and I think in turn men find that sexy.  It's just my opinion, but after talking to many men, I suspect I'm right about that.

Not feelin the 2 girls and a cup thing.... just sayin

So that brings me back to my original question, what is kinky?  To me, this is a good place to insert that for me and I’m sure to the majority of people that there is kinky that’s hot and kinky that’s nasty… kinky that you just can’t wrap your brain around and don’t want to, really.    I can tell you that I was better off not knowing about two girls and a cup, to me that’s not hot in the slightest.    That being said, what I have been exposed to these past few years has broadened my horizons and I like things I didn’t know I would.

I’m sure you’re curious to know what I have run into being out there dating again.  I’ll start with the things that are on the more vanilla side of kinky.   My married friends are shocked at how popular anal is now.   Sorry, it just is, fact.   I’ve met men who were obsessed with having sex in public places.   Many men, who had a fetish about certain objects, like shoes and stockings.   Dirty talking is pretty routine, but one man liked talking about how he was going to get me pregnant during the heat of the moment.  Although, it was physically impossible, it was his thing.  There is of course the typical S&M stuff, the playful stuff that doesn’t get too out of control. 

So on the spicier side of kinky, i dated someone who was into erotic asphyxiation.  He liked being choked and his preferred pillow talk included violence, hardcore violence, ie killing.  The Single Mom couldn’t get into that… sorry.    

I know that threesomes are a very common (duh) fantasy but I have a hard time wrapping my brain around a man who would want to watch another man with his woman.   I guess this makes me a little naïve, and I’ll admit it, but that’s just not cool in my book.   I can see the woman and woman thing for a guy, but another man… I’m not so sure I understand that.

I’ve met men who were into exhibitionism and wanted their girlfriends to expose themselves to their friends.   I’ve also met men who had a fascination with bodily fluids.    Again, what is hot to one person can be repulsive to another.   My advice though would be to try to keep an open mind and have fun.

Smooches,

The Single Mom